Week Two and the Riverside

This week, our days became much more intense. I can confidently categorize it as the "stop playing around and get shit done" week. We spent the first five or six days after arrival going into town, getting to know each other and throwing ideas around, but this week we realized we had five days to plan before students actually arrived. This week included a long presentation about Child Safety and Protection as it specifically relates to the cultural climate in Cambodia. The presenter was not shy about sharing the details of his experiences as a social worker dealing mainly with young Cambodian boys and men who had suffered sexual abuse. He referenced a number of interesting statistics and threw out some shocking anecdotes. One of the things he mentioned that resonated with me as having deeper implications for Liger was a common Cambodian saying, which roughly translates to "the sun shone on me first, so..." and is commonly used by adults to discount the rights of children. It can be used to justify something that has been done to a child (sexual or physical abuse), or may be used to discredit a child's statements or ideas. It stuck with me because a lot of what Liger seeks to accomplish depends on the partnership that our students can create within their home communities. One of the major goals is for students to take what they learn here and bring it to their provinces; if they are met with distrust and spite because the sun didn't shine on them first...we will be preparing for a difficult journey.

The presenter went on to tell us some general knowledge about Cambodian sexual norms. Females are expected to remain virgins until marriage, but males are not. Metaphorically, girls are 'white cotton' and cannot be completely cleaned once marred, while boys are 'pure gold' -- easily rinsed and shined back up. Once married, it is pretty much acceptable for men to have sex outside marriage, with the understanding that it is only for sex and not for love. They must also continue to provide financial support to the family. We also heard about the lack of sexual education that most Cambodians have been provided with. For example, when our presenter was doing a session in a nearby province and put out an anonymous Q&A jar, someone wrote down: "Is is possible to have sex through the naval opening?" Although this is just one example, it serves to illustrate the misinformation or lack of information that is widespread around Cambodia.

I do want to offset this conversation with some of the information that I have gleaned from informal conversations with my Khmer staff peers. They say that in the past, it was taboo to be openly gay, to live together before marriage and to date more than one person (and arranged marriages are still quite common). However, times are changing, and all of these practices are now slowly becoming more acceptable. One staff member told me it is now "okay to be gay...or lesbian!" Another, who is the same age as me, disclosed that his parents' marriage was arranged when they were both still in utero, because their fathers were close friends and lived in close proximity. He said that he would not want to have an arranged marriage himself, and that his mother understands and trusts him to make a good decision on his own. Another staff member who is maybe ten years older than me and had an arranged marriage said that she is very lucky because she loves her husband, but that she knows that is not always the case and would not enforce this tradition with her own children.

Sidenote: I am constantly blown away by the openness of the Cambodians I meet and their ability to make me feel incredibly welcome. I was almost moved to tears at an all-staff BBQ the other night when one of the staff members, checking that we were enjoying our stay so far proclaimed: "Cambodia is your home and your home is Cambodia!" She went on to say that she was so happy to have finally met us and that if we needed ANYTHING, to just ask. The sincerity was like none other. I was similarly moved to tears during a presentation by Liger's social worker and Robert's administrative assistant/superwoman. They went into detail about the make up of our student body, including economic standing, complete with pictures of student homes. We have students who live in raised, two-room homes with concrete floors, and we have students who live among six others in one room made from bamboo reeds and palm leaves. While the economic dissonance was certainly alarming, it was the presenters' unbridled passion for the Liger mission and their dedication and loyalty to Robert that moved me the most.

That was a long side note - I will try and get my hands on the powerpoint that they put together and link it to the blog if possible. It's such an incredible representation of Liger's mission and success in recruiting.

Anyway, besides child protection and student population, we plunged into the weekend program, dress code for staff, kitchen duties/on-site environmental practices, schedule creation, hopes and fears (I cried at that one too...haha), and poisonous animals of Cambodia. It's safe to say that each night we walked home (less than one minute from school) with our minds reeling. Some conversations were more challenging than others, mostly due to the abundance of really good ideas that people are passionate about communicating to the group. It's not as if we are disagreeing about the worth of any one idea, but rather having to draw the line when we have spent two or three hours thinking up fifty different "Day One: Get to Know You" activities. Every single staff member here is brilliant in their own way, super dedicated to the mission and eager to stamp their name on a good idea, so you can only imagine the level of on-going discussion. And if you know me, the length of my lists!

By Friday morning we had a finalized schedule for week one that was approved by Robert without any major changes (whoo hoo!). We know who is doing what when, as well as how the students will be grouped and how long they will be at each activity. Another teacher and I spent some time getting amped up over prospective first week English assessments only to have our hopes dashed when Robert pointed out that we were getting way ahead of ourselves, and that the first couple of weeks need to be relaxed and much more fun. Enter: Learning Curve, Expectation Adjustment and my good friend, Trust the Process. He and I have gotten quite close these past few days.

By Thursday night, Jeff and I had decided that it might be nice/was necessary to take a mental health break, as well as see another part of the city, so we booked a room at the Paddy Rice hotel in the Riverside part of Phnom Penh. Just your regular half-Khmer, half-Irish, local pub-hotel! Jess was also eager for a bit of a break, so the three of us set off for the other side of the city (about 25 minutes) at 3:30. After dropping Jess off with a HUGE smile on her face, we tukked a few more blocks and arrived at Paddy. Although they did not have Guinness on tap (sad Jeff), they did have shamrock room numbers on the doors and the word "crack" everywhere. I stopped myself from correcting their spelling (craic), but rather relished the humor and attempt.

The reason we chose the spot was expressly for its location -- right across from the Tonle Sap river (sorry Dad, we thought it was the Mekong when we talked to you) and bustling promenade. On our five pm walk along the river we saw many more Westerners (the word we have arrived at after wrongly assuming every single white person is American, haha) than in our neck of the woods. Unfortunately, that number included a large number of older, white males with young, Cambodian, female company. I'll save that topic for when I know more about it...moving on, we also saw a lot of different games being played, including volleyball in a circle without a net, a version of hackysack using a ball with a feather attached and about thirty or forty people doing group aerobics, which really looked like awkward dance moves. Below is a priceless image of a shirt that we saw at the night market near Paddy. It's a picture of Kelly Clarkson with a rhinestoned cross in her hands and the phrase "I like your style Style up make your." Who doesn't need one of those?! I mean really.

After the walk, we went back to the room to shower and then looked up a good place to eat in the guidebook. I was craving Mexican, so we headed a few blocks down to Cantina. We got a couple of good margaritas, a delicious plate of nachos with guac and then a quesadilla and some fajitas. It was nothing special on the inside, but it was easy to communicate with the waitress and the margs were good.

At about eight thirty, as we were finishing dinner, we remembered that there was a live band playing in the bar under our room, starting at nine. Super. "Two Shots and a Chaser" would certainly keep us up, so instead of heading home, we chose the route of having another drink. On the wander back toward Paddy Rice, I spied a fourth story roof deck with chairs, and Jeff insisted we stop in. Thank goodness we did because we ended up at a great little spot called "Le Moon," overlooking the river. There was some serious making out going on at the table in front of us, which brought to mind Meg Deg's "making out" chant from Ireland, but we were able to enjoy the view of the river in front of us and the magnificent view of the royal palace behind us.

This morning we tukked around town to grab a vacuum (prompting a "You live in my country?" from the driver), as we have a cleaning lady beginning Monday.  

Although we haven't met the students yet, we did see them from our window and have heard their voices around campus today. Robert told us that we were welcome to swing by and meet families, etc., but that today would be focused around the house parents and run by the Khmer-speaking staff. Tomorrow our days students arrive with their parents for lunch, at which point we will be able to meet everyone.

That's all for now. The next time I write, we will have spent a few days with the kids!